the shuffle. [5/12/07]

Wow. Before I rock this week's nonsense, I want to speak on some personal, in-my-neighborhood nonsense:

I realized today that the "shiftless Negro" stereotype is way off. Being shiftless and lazy has nothing to do with race. I live on a sometimes-quiet street that is infested by ground hogs and a shitload of lazy neighborhoods. Pretty evenly mixed: I have annoying black kids and annoying white kids on my block; there is a heavyset black woman and a heavyset white woman on my block; the niggas make noise at all hours of the night, and the crackers argue in the middle of the afternoon. What do they all have in common? None of them clean up after themselves. My fam spent 2 hours this morning cleaning up our street, after organizing (with the Mayor's office, mind you) to have a neighborhood clean-up today. No one came out, no one supported, but $20 says mad people are going to come out for the organized yard sale my wife hooked up (you did so well, mama!)... Just ignorance. And its all shapes, all sizes, and all ugly.

God bless America... land of the free, home of the ridiculous...

Let's go!

01/Def Jam has been laying off niggas like mad, for no good reason, aside from the fact that the majority of the shit they release makes no money, or doesn't even get released! Earlier this week word eeked out that 40 employees were fired, including the entire Roc La Familia staff (side note: does this mean Tru Life is not coming out?)... and now word is that Ludacris' DTP label is the next to skate from the big timers. Who does the blame sit on for this? Is it the guy downloading MP3s online? The fans who are buying more ringtones than albums? I don't think so: it's the execs who sit in an office, totally trying to taste make as opposed to listen to what the public wants. If they knew what we wanted, they'd be creating better albums, and not the 18 track, 1 keeper coasters that they make. The funny thing about this is that the music industry is reverting back to the 1950s and what not, when singles were the breadwinners. Nowadays, the single is what it is - but it's not our fault! They want radio play, but then design albums that are devoid of quality, and get mad at iTunes for selling tracks at $.99 a piece. Why not jump on board, and work with what works? I'll never understand that...

02/Akon's dryhumping escapade is just not going away, no matter how hard he tries... TMZ found his dryhumpee and posted her MySpace pics. From what I'm reading, it sounds like she wants, almost desires the very sort of attraction that she received from Akon. I hate saying that, but she has herself listed as being 19, speaks about being a bitch but not caring, and has some semi-revealing shots for a 14/15 yr old... and from the video I saw (but can't find online!), it didn't look like she was trying to pull away from dude. Not to say she was comfy, but the shots I see look like she's smiling. In any case, in Trinidad & Tobago, the dancing they did might be considered criminal, so it doesn't really matter if she liked it... poor, poor Akon.

03/The NBA Playoff Season is live and well, and the NBA is acting strange... Dirk Nowitzki is being named the MVP, even though his team got booted in the first round of the playoffs. MVP stands for most valuable player, right? If your team's MVP can't lead you out of the gates, how fucking valuable IS HE!?!?!... then we have Amare Stoudemire sounding like a bitch, calling the Spurs a dirty team because he got kicked during a game. Now, I didn't see the video, but regardless, this is the fucking PLAYOFFS! 2nd, if you were in a game and felt like dude k icked you on purpose, why were you too shook to speak on it? Why not speak to the ref, take the tech (if necessary), and at least create awareness? You that much of a baby? After the game don't change the score, dunny... and while we're on the subject of idiot sports players, was the NFL really that surprised that Ricky Williams failed another drug test for weed?

04/You gotta love Michael Moore's luck: he's making a documentary called Sicko about the US' health system, and is now in hot water for taking 10 sick 9/11 survivors to Cuba, which is in violation with a travel ban the government enacted. They are possibly pressing criminal charges for this, but in the end, whether he goes to jail or not, this will bring more publicity and praise to Moore than harm. Dumbass government: you have to IGNORE shit if you want it to go away...

05/What was Ty Pennington doing out driving whilst drinking? I mean, he's on one of the highest rated shows for its timeslot, has money coming in from his Sear's endorsement... and has Oprah fawning over him. I understand he did a bad thing, but his facade is so helpful and cheery, why was he out there getting it crunk, then getting behind the wheel? Does he need to pull a Patrick Swayze and escape the limelight for a hot one? And why can't Paris admit to her faults like Ty did?

06/Ready for some entertainment gumbo?... Justin Timberlake blabbed about his forthcoming collabos: 50 Cent, Rihanna, Madonna & Reba McEntire all got their sexy back... the forthcoming UNKLE album features loads of artists, none of them named DJ Shadow... I don't know how I feel about the porno industry trying to capitalize on the Don Imus/"nappy headed ho" fiasco... Why does EW have to hate on McDonald's trying to use Shrek to bring little kids to healthier foods?... Why did the now former chief of HBO have to get drunk and start a fight with his girlfriend that ultimately got him canned by Time Warner?... While the De La Hoya/Mayweather fight brought in boxing's biggest payday, the boxing world lost a great fighter in Chico Corrales... first Edward Norton gets cast as the Incredible Hulk, now Tim Roth is being cast as Abomination? They trying to win an Oscar?... OJ got booted from an eatery during Kentucky Derby weekend... LOST Executive Producers Carlton Cuse & Damon Lindeloff spoke to Doc Jensen about their now-known end date, and gave some food for thought bits about the end of this season... I love how Usher has the nerve to say R&B cats are biting his style, but doesn't have the balls to name names. Why even bring it up?... And why hasn't R. Kelly gone to trial yet!?... Janet had one disappointing LP with Jermaine Dupri; why would she want to be signed under him again?... And why did Ne-Yo have to denounce gay rumors... again?... Whats up with the rumors going around that Nick Cannon's supposed fiancee is now saying that it was a media stunt? I'm with Rizoh on that one: seems to involved to have been some PR thing... Do we really need a Best of Both Worlds-type album from Bow Wow & Omarion?... Three 6 Mafia's Last 2 Walk album is further delayed, now coming out in July. Couldn't have anything to do with their "Hollyhood" aspirations, no?... I still have no desire to a) see a movie with Jessica Biel in it and b) see a Street Fighter movie, but I know loads of fanboys are creaming to see her in the next installment of this series, even if its going to try and erase the silly movie that came before it... Pirates of the Carribean 3 is set to hit theaters earlier than expected, to try and steal some of Spider-man 3's shine; Johnny Depp also said that, if the story looks right, he'd be down for a 4th Pirates flick... Do you really want to see more Terminator movies, with or without Arnold?... I'm interested in this American Idol-style show for bands that they previewed this past week (go Jordin!)... Eddie Murphy might be pulling a Nutty Professor-style job for the movie version of Fantasy Island... Her producers are assuring us that Britney Spears' new LP is complete and does not speak on K-Fed @ all... The Game got arrested in LA for making criminal threats; have they not listened to any of his CDs yet? Or maybe they arrested him BECAUSE of his CDs...

07/From the desk of the Ignorant Entrepeneurship Bureau of rock the dub, Nelly thought it was necessary to distribute his Pimp Juice and Derrty Entertainment ventures to Africa. Jay-Z goes to Africa and helps them get water; the (red) campaign helps distribute proceeds from consumer goods to purchase HIV/AIDS meds; Nelly wants African kids crunk off his Pimp Juice and rocking Apple Bottoms? These kids need food, water and homes, not ignorant wears. You can't be that crunk on the sauce to not see that.

08/This just in from the "WHO GIVES A SHIT ABOUT MASTER P" file; last year's Dancing With The Stars reject has created Take A Stand Records, a label co-founded with Romeo, which is making street music sans crude lyrics. While it's a great idea, I just don't see Master P as being the one to turn things around. If this was 1998, maybe... then again, this is the man who made a noise like UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH popular, so I guess anything is possible.

09/NASA has predicted that in 80 years, it's gonna be fucking HOT during the summer! I could say "no shit, Sherlock", but a 10 degrees spike during the summer months is kind of crazy. The odd part is they say that, then they're like "but we're already taking steps to beat that. That's like me saying this crack-addicted prostitute will be smoking more crack in 5 years than she does now --- but she quit yesterday. Stop striking fear in us, and get to combating this global problem, quick.

10/In July, Australian TV will be showing a documentary on some really true love: a pair of aborigional lovers from different tribes went off to live in the wilderness, on some Romeo & Juliet-love shit. For 40 years. Could any of you do that? I know we all love our sig. others, but is your love strong enough to live in the wilderness... for 40 years? AND dude hurt his leg at one point, so his wifey was the one foraging for eats. They had 3 kids, and when the tribes FINALLY got worried, they tracked them down. And on some Nell shit, they grabbed them out of their world, where shit like cars and stuff was not even heard of. In the perfect end to the story, the male dies, and because she can't live without her man, she went on a hunger strike and died a few weeks later. DAMN! Fuck Wimbledon; we need THIS in theaters. True love. Should show this during Valentine's Day. Discovery Channel or whomever, get this either on American TV or on DVD here, STAT!

11/From the newly formed Health & Wellness Bureau of rock the dub: if you are out engaging in oral sex, just know that your chances of contracting HPV are jumping; if you own an iPod and have a pacemaker, just know that your iPod can cause your pacemaker to malfunction; if you are planning on including smoking in your Hollywood feature film, be aware that you are temping a 'R' rating from the board; down in the M.I. crooked letter, niggas are going buck for Kool-Aid Dills (dill pickles with Kool-Aid in them): this has to be the most ignorant, disgusting sounding thing out there; PARENTS: the government says you are still pacifiying your kids with TV. Being a parent of a newborn myself, its not exactly something that can be helped. We watch TV at home, and shorties are just nosy. If it's on, he will watch. Funny thing is? My son, from my wife's constant M*A*S*H* viewing, is in love with the theme song to that show. Like "i'm-crying-until-that-song-is-played" type shit. Won't watch the show, but will shut the fuck up if that song is on. Is that so wrong?l BEWARE MICHIGAN RESIDENTS: your police force is eating pot-laced brownies, and getting away with it; if you are Black and thought the auto-dealer was hiking the interest rates on you, you were probably right: but they aren't gonna be doing it anymore, supposedly.

12/Finally, rock the dub's 'These Stories Fit Nowhere Else' Bureau would like to speak: Tony Blair, quite like the producers over at LOST, has announced his departure date; Hot off his skewering of Don Imus, it seems as if Rev. Al Sharpton is prone to making asinine remarks about the Mormons. I guess he figures they aren't as important as nappy headed ho's?; and speaking of Imus (which is all we ever seem to do these days), when will Opie & Anthony ever stop offending people on the radio? Probably when we stop talking about them and their sexual content about Condi Rice, Laura Bush and others... lucky for them there's no regulations on satellite radio; The wonderful people over at Street Census have come up with the 10 PR Commandments, which is pretty spot on for guys like me who are trying to get info from A&R/artists for the purpose of giving THEM shine (whattup srix!?!?); American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance?, and now this new band competition show. Fox sure knows how to milk it. I will be watching though; It's good to know that Republicans can flip-flop like John Kerry when needed: check out Rudy Gulianni's abortion rights mishaps.

Can you handle all of those links? Well, then grab one more: go buy a Hip-Hop Is Alive band and support a good cause...

Now, for my final thought:

Jaylib ft. Frank-N-Dank "McNasty Filth"

Go grab that 2xCD when it's available... It's 'the official'!

Until next week... namaste...

No comments: