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Eminem Presents: The Re-Up [review]

CDs like these fuck up what the consumer thinks of the underground Hip-Hop "street mixtape" scene.

This project was initially rumored to be a mixtape in memory of Proof, and went from that to a mixtape showcasing the new acts that Shady/Aftermath have forthcoming. Apparently these tracks were so polished that Eminem decided to put this out as an official mixtape compilation thing, featuring beats largely from himself and The Alchemist (who kind of deviates from his normal, sample-driven style to a more homegrown sound), putting this on the shelves in every Best Buy that fake thugs can get to.

For shame, considering that guys like 50 Cent, who Eminem signed, were the direct product of the grimey, take-no-prisoners, leave-no-beat-unjacked school of mixtapes. You cop a mixtape on mixunit.com or at your local bodega, and you will get some real shit. Well, lyrically, it might be some fake shit, but you get the raw uncut shit. Polished mixtapes come off corny when they get a "proper" release, in my opinion, for they dilute what you are truly trying to do -- it's going from keeping your ear to the streets and creating that buzz to trying to create a buzz and create a mass-media dollar, which is a mixed message.

Take, for instance, the inclusion of new signee Ca$his on the lead-off single, "You Don't Know". Now this track features Em, Fiddy and Lloyd Banks alongside Ca$his. We get a 16 from Em, a shitty 16 from 50, and 8 bars of murder from Banks. Why does Ca$his have to share his bars with Banks? If I truly believed in someone, and thought enough of the mixtape I am making for them that I'd go ahead and turn it into an official Best Buy jump-off, why put a fucking bandana on their face and have them spit half of a weak verse? Why does the house that Dr. Dre built need another Tony Yayo?

And why does this feel like a glorified Eminem beat tape? Is he really trying to get put on beat-wise? That over cinematic, slow-creep of a beat bullshit... I think the comment he makes in the intro, "Shady Narcotics", fits well for his career right now: "I think it's about time we just cut the bullshit". For a mixtape that is to bring forth your new blood, why does Ca$his (who hails from the OC, apparently) have 2 solo tracks, and Bobby Creekwater (??) have 1 track? Fucking forever-in-the-background ass Stat Quo has a gang of solo tracks, Em and 50 have their own tracks all over... and Proof is only getting 58 seconds? Why does the best MC out of your crew, the one who died earlier this year, get almost a minute?

The saddest part of this is the fact that the established artists come off sub-par. "Whatever You Want", the track from D12 members Mr. Porter & Swifty McVay, is just boring -- remedial drums, odd choice of piano samples, and a lot of guntalk from guys who were just crying about their dead homey not too long ago. Great message. Em has the audacity to drop a mixtape with a track entitled "Public Enemy #1", and refused to use the original Public Enemy track? At least his flow is still intact -- Em, keep it on the mic! He also choosed to include a few tracks between himself and 50 the Soul Man. "Ski Mask Way" from 50's last LP gets a Remix treatment... *yawn*. And I don't really think it was clever of funny when Em ended his rhyme on "The Re-Up" with "Kiss my black ass!", even if 50 starts with "nah tell them to kiss my black ass". It's lazy, coming from a dude as ill as he. And do we really need to hear 50 talk about watching The Game like he was a "proud dad" -- why are you jacking Nas lines, don't you hate him? We then get treated to a remix of Akon's "Smack That", featuring throwaway verses from Bobby Creekwater (??!?!?) and Stat Quo ("ass so swole, have your boy like whoa"?)... why was this even included? Speaking of Stat, hearing his solo joints, I can tell why he has only dropped mixtapes and guest verses - no real "oomph" in his voice or lines, just some Xerox "gangsta-by-numbers" shit.

I don't hate all of the CD though. The 'Shady Remix' of Obie Trice's "Cry Now" is fire: funky bass, soaring, alternating horns. Obie is jacking mad flows, but he sounds good doing it. Eminem's "No Apologies" is vintage Eminem, him just going through what's going on in his life via his rhymes. I wish he would stay in that lane. Hearing Proof for just under a minute was dope, even if the clicks and booms in the beat are annoying. Sadly, that's about all I can truly say I like about this album.

All of the elements are there: a successful cast, loads of money in the bank, but I'm not sure what happened here. It's like the failures of 2006 (Lloyd's LP, Mobb Deep's LP, the loss of The Game, etc.) have backed the Shady/Aftermath camp into a corner, and instead of reinventing the wheel, they hit us with a "re-up" of some stepped on, Arm & Hammer-laden smack that, while it sounds good for the average dope fiend, leaves us junkies with a sore arm and an empty wallet. My only hope is that this CD does terrible numbers, so Eminem can either shit or get off the pot. His skills on the mic are on point when he isn't on the fart-joke nonsense of Encore, but he is not a thug, he was never a gangsta, and aside from signing 50 Robinson, he hasn't really found a G that works with his beats. Fuck a Re-Up, just be an MC and give us some raw in it's purest form.

rock the dub gives Eminem Presents: The Re-Up a 4 out of 10 stars for weak beats, weak delivery and a supporting cast that does not hold up the status of a faltering label. No apologies.

Eminem Presents: The Re-Up is available in all retail music outlets December 5th, 2006. More info here.
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The Week of the Review

Just a quick note to you faithful readers: since there are only about 21 shopping days left this Holiday season, we here at rock the dub figured we'd give you some ideas for gifts for the Hip-Hop/Pop music fans you know out there. So this week, we will be reviewing some of the littany of CDs that will be dropping this week; from Eminem to Gwen Stefani, Young Jeezy to Lil Scrappy. One CD a day, to make up for the lack of reviews around these parts. Great, right? We will try to touch on all points, and give you some great pointers on what to spend your dough on, and what to leave on the shelves.

Our service, to you. Enjoy! And there will be a recap at the end of the week, so you lot don't miss out.

-khal
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Ashy To Classy

So this week I heard some ill news about Foxy Brown: she apparently went onto Power 105 and let it be known that she is no longer on Def Jam. I was kind of shocked when I heard the name of the show: Egypt & Ashy in the morning. Being a nigga who doesn't listen to radio anymore, I was kind of surprised that Donnell Rawlings was doing morning radio. Him being an alumnus of Chappelle's Show, I was kind of taken aback that he chose to use one of his characters from the show as his calling card. He was himself when he was on Ricki Lake's show for years, and on various other late night movie dips on like USA or Spike or whatever. I know Dave was totally against cashing in on that shit, which is totally understandable. I guess Donnell has to get that bread. I really don't approve, I mean who the fuck wants to be known the rest of their life as "Ashy Larry"... it's kind of demeaning, and this nigga gonna be tired of it in 5 years. I'm pretty sure Charlie Murphy is able to go out and not have to talk about Charlie Murphy Hollywood Stories... he's just got that ill personality. I guess niggas gotta eat anyway they can.
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MauryMath©

Unemployed TV is the best thing out there. It's the shows you miss when you are working that really get you going -- part of the reason my wife and I live by our DVRs. The one show we have always taped over the last 4+ years of our relationship is Maury. And with one amazing discovery that has been tested and tried, the makers of NiggaMath© now bring to you...

MauryMath©!

Now, this primarily applies to the use of percentages to predict the future, mainly to determine paternity. It breaks down something like this:

You ever notice how when someone says that they are more than 100% of anything (not the father, are the father, faithful, etc.), it is usually the direct opposite? While Keisha might feel she is "275%" sure that Quameek is the father, 9 times out of 10 Quameek is definitely NOT the father, in fact neither is his cousin Shookwan or his father, Dee-Dock. And on the flipside, if Quameek were to feel that he was, oh, say "117.5%" sure he was not cheating on Keisha, chances are he not only cheated on her, but he did it about 200 times with 57 different women. I ask all of you to watch out for these instances -- if someone is more than 100% sure, they ain't so sure.

Now, there is a flipside to this: the super exaggarated assured-ness. Let's say Keisha was "2 billion % sure" that Quameek fathered both Rasheed AND lil Taquayla -- that throws all rules out, and it's a very good idea to bet the farm on Quameek being the father to both of those kids. It's just how it goes: when a female is THAT sure, it's definitely law. Quameek, though, is never that sure. That's how he got into this mess.

So be on the lookout for MauryMath©, and try to incorporate it into your everyday life.
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Funky Drummin'

Ain't it funky, indeed.

No, this is not a post devoted to all of the tracks that have used the "Funky Drummer" breakbeat; Edan already did that in audio form.

This is just my love letter to the Funky Drummer.

Now when I was a shorty, back when Columbia rain suits and Cross Colours outfits were the rage, I copped a few tapes for the Walkman: Public Enemy's It Takes A Nation... was one of them, as well as this compilation of James Brown's, In The Jungle Groove. It has some great tracks on there, but it was always "Funky Drummer" that captivated me. I mean come on, 9+ minutes of funk and more funk. James going off about honky-tonk women and feeling it in his feet. I was dumbstruck, mainly because most of the music out there were Rappers trying to fit so many words into 16 bars, where here you have James doing a 1/4 of that in lyrics, and devoting the majority of the track to his musician(s).

And you cannot deny that James, way back in the late 60s/early 70s, predicted sample culture. He tells his whole band in the middle of the track, we gonna "turn over"... it's time to give the drummer some. Not to solo or anything, but just keep doing what he's doing, while the rest of the band cuts out and let's him go to work. I mean, he HAD to have known that 10, 20 years down the line, his drummer would become one of the staples of the "golden era" of Hip-Hop, and on into genres like Breaks and Drum & Bass. "It's in my shirt/about to work me to death". He knew what it was.

Funky Drummer indeed.
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I was a skratch DJ in my past life

I can't help it -- ever since I was a likkle yout, I was infatuated with the sounds of vinyl being cut and spun backwards on 1200's. My fondest memory was seeing 3rd Bass' DJ Richie Rich on the Arsenio Hall Show cuttin' up "How you like me now!" at the end of their routine. It was short, but it was hot. Other times that stuck out was the fact that Eric B cut up that James Brown sample all throughout "I Ain't No Joke". Just got into that cut-up music. Everything from Coldcut to Kid Koala to Q-Bert to Craze.

MCs controlled the crowd, but DJs control the sound. The power in being able to pull back that record, cue it up again and just keep it flowing, without the need of a band or backing track, is just something awe-inspiring. I can go on YouTube and just watch DJs cut all day. I've been doing it for the last hour. I just can't help it -- one of the cornerstones of Hip-Hop, and probably the only thing out of that temple that I feel I could excel in.

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Wedding Favors with flavor!

So as many of you know, I'm a married man. I love my wife, and even though we were broke, we still put on a pretty nice event, cutting corners and doing it ourselves. The only thing that took a long time was getting our wedding favors together... I mean we made a CD, but getting the right cover and color scheme, then burning about 50 copies? I mean with the cost of blank discs, jewel cases, ink, paper... nightmare. We also made some cute little bath soap things for the females, as well as nice "do not disturb" signs for the bathroom door, incense things, the whole 9. It came off nicely, but it was very time consuming... and I'm not sure how everyone else took to them. Well, in true rock the dub fashion, we continue our Holiday Gift Finds for 2006 for those who might be trying to save some money and add a bit of flair to their favors.

MyWeddingFavors.com has a plethora of Unique Wedding Favors, from these ill "Forever Glass" photo coasters for as low as $1.10 a pop to these quirky "Two Peas In a Pod" salt & pepper shakers. There are a bunch of wine-themed gifts as well, among other things. These jammies are cute, colorful and they add a really nice touch to your table settings and decorations. They also seem to be of great quality, from the glass pieces to the luggage tag with an engraved heart on it -- that's a very nice touch that not too many people would think of. Loads of perfect possibilities for your special guests, and I imagine that if you search hard enough, you too can find the perfect gift that will set your favor(s) off right.

If I had had the time and money to really get a wedding party up right, I'd have to check out MyWeddingFavors.com and grab that wedding favor that is not the norm at all; sleek and unique is how I'd do it. That's how you should, too.


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Get paid... to post?

So if you guys have peeped my "Can I borrow a dollar?" post from a week or so ago, you know that I've been trying to find blogging gigs, either freelance or with a dedicated site. The results? Not so good, so far... I have a various ads and such to the right of my blog that have yet to pay a dude who has a site devoted to Hip-Hop, free music and dissing celebs and ignorance in a strong, Black voice... why not, who knows. I have a few other prospects out there, and actually made a couple of dollars with another site, but nothing to major.

The other cash-cow I'm hoping to ride in on is PayPerPost. You might be asking yourself, "self, how does one find a site that pays you to post?"... well, I just did an easy enough search in Google: blog ads. I'm trying to get gwap like Papoose, nahmean? Now, this site offers you opportunities to make money by blogging about various things --- new movies, new websites, and other things. Have I taken advantage of it yet? I'm trying to... right now. I haven't seen something that has grabbed me as of yet, for I don't like making promises and then feeling bad about them. The pay is decent -- you can get $10 or more depending on the post. You have to stay within the tone they want, so if they want a very positive post, then you best talk it up! That's on you though. Me? I haven't made a dime yet, but who knows what the future holds? Maybe I can get good at this PPP thing and get paid so I can lay in the shade -- it can happen!

If you guys are bloggers who are also strugglin' parents like myself and my wife are, and need a side hustle that doesn't involve crack rocks and credit card scams, you might want to check out PayPerPost. If you can devote yourself to speaking on anything and getting paid for it, get gully and go for it!
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Lucy Diamonds: Water of Life

Up on Lucy Diamonds' MySpace page, there is a new track of her's entitled "Water of Life", which features one of the old school dons, Grand Puba. Now, when I received this track, it was a pleasant Turkey Day surprise. Lucy flows sick on it, and Puba keeps it thoro on his verse. I didn't think anything of it, but then I got an e-mail with the link from some cat named Marvin Levy, her media rep, with the title "Shots Fired At Jay-Z!!!" ... word. She apologized, but apparently her crusade is still on and poppin' on Jay. It's kind of subtle, even though the title is a play on his "Water for Life" campaign. In any case, peep out her blog on MySpace to get the audio on this gem.

I'd like to hear Lucy rip up the instrumental to "Kingdom Come". That'd be something.
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