human being

So we're getting close... I mean shit, it's like week 35 almost. The goal line is 40 weeks, but at this point if lil' man was to want out right now, he'd be straight.

Having a kid feels like it's going to be the best thing out there for me. I mean, not to say that I wouldn't have made something of myself or done anything without having a seed, but this feels so good, it's hard to think bad on the situation -- aside from the pain/frustration/pregnancy my wife is currently going through (she's my rock... such a strong woman, even if she doesn't realize it).

I think the big thing about me knowing that I am actually helping bring life to this insane world is the fact that it gives me more to live for. About 5, 6 years ago, I was truly destined to just live life as some hobbit, staring into a Heineken bottle, smoking Newports, and just making nothing of my life. Since then, however, I found out what truly matters: love, family, and just being. Not being mad, or being frustrated, or being a dick, but just being. Common told us to just BE, but things these days make it hard. Niggas in Trenton, and all over the state, are declaring war on each other and everyone else, and my mortality comes into play. If I die tonight, I have no doubt that while it may cause much tragedy, my unborn would be well taken care of and grow up right. It just wouldn't be right. He'd have that just missing piece out there, which may or may not turn the tide in his life, but who knows how far my lil' monster can go with my weird teachings? I'd rather be here and be prominent in his life than be out of here and him have an empty void to deal with.

I know we are all predestined to perish: we're humans who start to die once we are born (think on that one), but it's weird to truly sit back and be like "Damn, what is going to happen when I'm dead and gone?", you feel me? I just know that I've tried to do as right as I could, and I didn't always succeed, but I just hope I can do right for my boy. I am a flawed human being, but I'm just that... a human, being.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That last statement is some very heavy shit.