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Hanif-Jamiyl Krushed Grapes [review]

One third of Masspyke, Hanif-Jamiyl's Krushed Grapes is the kind of Hip-Hop album you put on when you go shopping for lace undergarments for your lady friend. The kind of album you put on when you need to get into the zone of "I'm gonna get me some ass tonight". Or, at least, it tries to be...

"Take It Off"
OK, so homeboy is coaxing his girl to take her panties off with a piano loop. Have YOU ladies ever had your grapes crushed before? Yeah, I don't know what's going on here either...

"Krushed Grapes"
Wow, dude's voice sounds like a pimp with a stuffy nose. And he comes off like a nerd who just got his first nut and fashions himself as the ultimate player. Sad thing is, dude is serious...

"Yes U R"
This one is more like it - the ultimate cocky nigga in the club track. This nigga is actually letting you know that, even if you think you aren't trying to get with him, you really are. Although any nigga who says he prefers wine to beer, I immediately have a puzzled look. This flow sounds like Q-Tip circa The Love Movement.

"Insatiable Rose"
Why is dude trying to be Andre 3000 imitating Prince? Like, everything about fucking doesn't have to be "honey dripped lips" and all that pseudo-poetry slam malarky. Oh, this beat is fucking horrendous.

And just when I thought dude was going to get off the "player" shit, a track entitled "Alone" is about what he'd do for the chick that's alone... with him. Yawn, already, damn!

This is a track that's to make you ladies get on the floor and, you know, gyrate. Thing is, this is like a dance track for the incense burning crowd. And his lyrics are questionably un-incense burning. Mark, you've been missed.

"My Lament"
Christ, we're halfway through this and I'm thoroughly bored.

Even the interludes are boring. And unnecessary, even if it includes a Lauryn Hill sample.

"Wet Dream"
You know he be dreaming, right? Maybe he should have hit the snooze button and kept this track on the cutting room floor...

"Let Him Go"
I am with him on this. Any of your females who are stressing over ain't-shit niggas, stop that shit. Let them niggas go. And go find some better CDs.

"Lonely Girl"
Dude letting his girl know that, no, he wasn't out trickin', he was in the studio making wack tracks about fuckin' and relationships. This feels like an episode of Maury...

"She Got It All"
What do you get for the girl that has it all? Definitely not Krushed Grapes...

"Just A Nut (beware of dog)"
Probably the best beat on here, which isn't saying a lot. Dude half-singing to a bitch, letting her know that she's nothing more than a nut.

Dude's rhymes aren't that bad on this one. Or maybe I am just glad that this album is over.

Wow. I didn't think I could dislike an album this much. Maybe it's just me, but this Pharrell for the 30 and up crowd is just not poppin' for me. I don't believe that dude is a player, I am tired of him sounding like other rappers, and it was just an overall boring experience.

rock the dub gives Krushed Grapes 1 out of 5 stars. Unbelievably dull CD about one of the most exciting acts in the world - sex.

Burn Deez: n/a

Krushed Grapes is out either NOW or on May 6th, depending on which site you hit up.

[video] Hanif-Jamiyl "Wet Dream"


Anonymous said...

LOL. Whoever wrote this review either:

1. Is too young to appreciate real Rap/R&B music.
2. Is very sexually frustrated (doesn't get any ass).
3. Is Gay.
4. Just doesn't get it.
5. All of the above

Check the April issue of the SOURCE magazine for a real review on a real album. And check for Hanif-Jamiyl...he's about to be everywhere!!!

What's with these kats reviewing projects without doing their homework? Hanif-Jamiyl was ghost writing for gold and platinum artists at age 18 on Elektra, and his group Maspyke is the illest underground crew you never heard of! From the amount of emotion that you put into dissin this album, I'd say you're definitely #3.

khal said...

1) I'm 26, and grew up on the old school soul & R&B my mom played.
2) I'm not frustrated sexually at all. I'm married to a beautiful woman.
3) Definitely not gay, but I didn't know sexual preference could cause you to dislike an album.
4) I got it. It was crap.
5) What does Hanif's ghostwriting projects have to do with this solo disc, right now? I've heard of Masspyke, and figured this would be dope. I was sadly mistaken. I mean, if he's done this much ghostwriting: was he just emulating niggas who came before him, or does he really not have as a singular style?

Also, I can't even take your comments seriously. You say "whoever wrote this review" - nigga, my name is khal. I write everything on this blog, and my name is plastered all over it. Who are you?

Anonymous said...

Lol. I'm someone who you can learn from sonny! You DON'T get it. It's not about some dude trying to be a player...It's a concept album (read the press release). It's deeper than that. Funny thing is that your wife would love the album. It speaks to women more so than men but there's nothing wack about it. You're comments and views on the songs show that you don't understand it. You actually wrote about "Take It Off" saying: "I don't know what's going on here either". Duh! You're lost. LOl. It's a interview, and the woman is a client. "Krushed Grapes" is a male escort service for the pleasure of women only. Funny thing is that Hanif-Jamiyl really does run a service like this on the low. He tailored this album after his female pleasure service. This whole album is based on true events...even the skits are based on real talk. There's no way of you knowing this prior to your writing such a terrible review, but it speaks volumes to your comments about Hanif not being "real" and "sounding like a nerd that just got his first nut"?. This dude has pussy falling out of his pockets. Hanif-Jamiyl get's respect from many "old school" artists that you say you grew up listening to. And yes you're correct, he doesn't have a singular style...but if you know him from MASPYKE, than you'd see how versatile he is. The styles he uses on this album are totally different from MASPYKE. He went from Hardcore/Underground to smooth/sexual. On top of all of that, He's coming out with a lingerie company also entitled "krushed grapes". The only reason I've taken time out to comment on this corny blog is because I been around the world riding with this guy since '94, before you could even pee straight. Now you have an opinion about "real Hip-Hop music? Old school to you is Biggie and Pac. At the end of the day, you don't matter. After all...you're spending your day writing about him. He spends his day sippin fine wine with fine women and making exciting music! Next time, get it right!

khal said...

Ah another anonymous response... let's break that one down too:

1) How do you know I got a press release with this? I got a CD in the mail, and from the website I saw nothing but descripitions of the SOUND.

2) My wife listened to the CD - she wasn't impressed.

3) Taking one part of something I wrote out of context and affixing it to your point is lovely, keep it up!

4) I'm 26 dude - I'm no super veteran, but in no way did I say Biggie and Pac were old school to me? You speak about not knowing anything about Hanif, but then try to discredit me with the little you know.

I feel for you - you are riding with dude, and that's what's up. You stick up for your man, and I respect that. But you trying to tell me what I don't know and don't understand based off of my review of this album that I don't like is funny. Niggas like Lupe Fiasco get crazy respect from other artists, old and new - does that I mean I have to automatically love the niggas music? What kind of sheep mentality is that?

And I understood the whole "interview" aspect from jump - it's obvious from the intro. The thing is, it still sounds wack to me, point blank.

Nigga told me to get it right - in my opinion, I got it right. And by looking at a lot of other sites on the web, a lot of people seem to feel that this album wasn't as great it could or should have been.

If you want to keep commenting on my corny blog, by all means keep doing it. What point it serves is beyond me - I thought that when conflicting views were to be stamped out, the idea was to throw cold water on it, not fan the flames?

Thanks for stopping by!

Anonymous said...

My government name is of no importance to you sonny...I'm just here to tell the truth. If the truth hurts...say Ouch! The truth is that opinions are like assholes....(you know the rest) but to call something WACK is saying that it's not relevant. If you don't dig it...kool. But you're telling people it's wack, and tryin to break down each song like you know what's dope! Who are you? Khal the blogger? great accomplishment. That will be your claim to fame. Congrats!
A quote from Hanif-Jamiyl: There are 3 types of people in this world 1. Those that know what time it is. 2. Those that want to know what time it is. 3. And then there are the dummies!

Kats like you are confused about what's what, until it pops!
FYI- a short list of artists that many fools claimed were WACK before they changed the game:

...and the list goes on.

Real always recognizes real!

khal said...

1) I never said I was telling anyone anything was wack. Just like you said, opinions are like assholes... this blog is full of my opinions. You or anyone else catching feelings over my opinions is your problem, not mine. No one asked you to come on here and take my opinion as the law - if you agree with it, cool, if not, that's cool too.

2) No one asked for your government - but when cats come out on some anonymous shit, it looks kind of suspect, especially with the feelings you are catchin' over my opinions.

3) My claim to fame is being a blogger named khal? Says who? You? There's many things in my life that come way before anything I write on my blog. Again, you're making my corny blog bigger than it truly is. I guess I should be proud?

4) Confused about what it is until it pops? If you say so, fam. I like what I like regardless of the hype. Obviously you've never read anything else on my blog, which I understand. My assumption is you got passed this link, or you google'd hanif and it came up, and you wanted to come slate to stand up for your crew. Again, I applaud you. Thing is, if you knew anything about me, whch I don't assume you would, you'd know that I don't conform to what's poppin' in the mainstream. I could rattle a list of names of artists that many might not listen to that I fuck with, but it's not about that.

5) Are you trying to say that, oh people thought Tribe, the Fugees, Wu-Tang et al were called wack, so Hanif will be on that level? One thing a lot of these cats have/had that I am not hearing on Krushed Grapes: Originality. But again, wtf do I know, right?

Have a good one.