When A Toothless Man Strikes...

My co-worker looks like this man, only slightly younger, with longer hair... and less teeth. I've never been told why he has no teeth, is skinnier than Paris Hilton and walks with a cane, but I figure it's either a) a crack habit or b) getting hit by a Mac truck, possibly while smoking crack.

That's not the point of this story, though. This is just what I have to deal with, day in and day out, when I attempt to perform work-related duties.

Without giving away the name of my employer, I will just say we handle many functions for the state of New Jersey. We run many reports, and make sure proceeses go through so people can get loot. Now, my department has a few main reports that need to be ran daily, including one that must hit the State by 9AM or bad things happen (apparently, I've seen that report be 30 minutes late and no one got fired). Our crew is about 5 people deep, but we rotate schedules between 3 people. One person might run "the report" 2 days a week, and we just switch it off between the 3 of us. The thing is, my co-workers are not competent enough to 1) give me training on all of the procedures and programs and 2) make up a simple schedule. When this happens, I have a Toothless Man over my shoulder, confusing me further.

Two weeks ago, I was told I was to run "the report" on Tuesdays and Thursdays, which was no problem, except that on Thursdays I knock out this larger spreadsheet that's not diffuclt nor time-sensitive, just time-consuming. It can be started after "the report" has been sorted, and really causes no fuss. There ended up being a big hub-bub, but no "OK you can run the spreadsheet on another day". So my schedule, the one I wrote for myself read "'the report': Tues & Thurs, spreadsheet: Fri". So Thursday of last week comes, and I'm running "the report"... but so is Toothless Man. Since I'm on the ball, I locked him out when he tried to access it... and here he comes! "You're doing 'the report'?" he asks; "Yes, that's the schedule, right?" I say. "OH NO, you are to do 'the report' on FRIDAY, because you do the spreadsheet on Thursday" he barks back. I look at my paper, say "OK" and finish 'the report', advising him I'll do the spreadsheet the next day - which I do. I asked him Friday, "I am doing the spreadsheet today, right?" "Yes, because you did 'the report' yesterday"...

Flash forward to 45 minutes ago. I notice he is away from his desk at 8AM, which is odd, b/c 'the report' needs to be knocked out early. I get a few mintues into printing out all of the data for the spreadsheet - and here comes Toothless Man on some "you're supposed to run 'the report' today". HUH!? I look at him like, what? He says "yeah, you do 'the report' on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and work the spreadsheet on Fridays", which is essentially what I told him last week. I am fucking dog tired, and not in the mood for foolishness, so I laughed it off, handed him the pound of data I printed out, and knocked out 'the report'.

*sigh* I think my department is incompetent. I just got an e-mail from my manager asking me why 'the report' was sent out so late... when I sent it to the State @ 8:49AM, and he emailed me at 8:50AM.

Is today just not my day?

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